make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
