I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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