Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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