my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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