Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
