Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
