when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
