sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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