I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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