Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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