i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
