some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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