# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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