12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
