The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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