Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
