Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
