you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
