dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
