the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
