Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
