happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
