Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
