I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
