12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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