He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
