there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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