we have pet lesbian snakes
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
