Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
