Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
