Cold hands, warm shart.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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