He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
