Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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