if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
