R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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