life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
