At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
