Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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