I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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