I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
