11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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