Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
