All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
