she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
