last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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