Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
