I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to calm my uterus...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
