talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
