her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
