Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can text with my tongue
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
