My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
